Conservatism Bittersweet always endeavors to bring the latest insider news from the farthest reaches of politics. Consequently, we have received an insider transcript from a non-Russian source which we wish to share with our readers.
This revealing portrait of a conversation between two Democrat operatives is particularly relevant to today’s national debate over who should be President of the United States. We have hidden the actual names in order to protect our sources. We shall call them JP and TP. The actual conversation took place within the last two weeks of this posting. Please note, that verification of the conversation as provided to us (and you), is pursuant to the highest standards as set by the New York Times and Washington Post. You can trust us.
JP: Have you seen the latest Joe Biden gaffe?
TP: Now what? Joe said he protested in the South while campaigning in the 60’s and got arrested in South Africa while working with Mandela. We haven’t been able to sell that. Another gaffe and, well, we are cooked.
JP: It’s worse this time.
TP: Couldn’t be. What?
JP: He told a black man that he wasn’t black unless he voted for Joe.
TP: Isn’t that true?
JP: Yeah, but it is a statement that can easily be misinterpreted.
TP: Are you sure he was a black man.
JP: Granted, the DNA test hasn’t come in yet—we got a swab from a Pepsi can after our operatives followed him into a 7-ll maintained by an Indian.
TP: You mean, Native American.
JP: No, I mean an East Indian.
TP: Oh.
JP: So, we are pretty sure he was actually an African American.
TP: How could that be?
JP: He was very dark and had kinky hair.
TP: No, I mean, he might have been a disguised operative from the Trump camp.
JP: Not likely. The only people good enough with make-up to make him look like a black guy are on our side—you know, Hollywood make-up artists.
TP: You mean, the ones who try to make Robert De Niro look young.
JP: Yeah, they’d have to be even better than that.
TP: Okay, until we get DNA proof, we have to assume this guy was African American, but what was he doing talking to Joe?
JP: It was from the controlled basement setting.
TP: I think they need us. This is awful.
JP: True, but you know we have to stay hidden a little longer until the resurrection happens.
TP: Yeah, next year when Joe wins.
JP: Not so fast.
TP: What do you mean, not so fast?
JP: Well, there is a problem. It looks like the one sure bet—the African American vote didn’t like the comment.
TP: Just because he said you aren’t black if you’re a Trump supporter?
JP: They misinterpreted the comment.
TP: I don’t get it. How did they do that?
JP: They didn’t like the idea of a white guy telling a black guy that he wasn’t black, even though he was right. He should have said, you have been brainwashed by Trump lies.
TP: Ok, I guess that’s better. If this happens again . . .
JP: Won’t happen again. We’ve installed an earpiece into Joe’s right cochlea. Hillary is going to be whispering in his ear the correct answers by remote control.
TP: Can we trust her?
JP: Stupid question. She told me personally, she was only trying to help Joe win.
TP: So, after this all broke loose, what did Joe’s handler’s say?
JP: They said it was a joke.
TP: I see—to give the impression that Joe has a sense of humor.
JP: Exactly.
TP: Ah, brilliant.
JP: Well, not exactly. The brothers and sisters are still a little miffed.
TP: Can we get Kamala and Stacey to smooth things out.
JP: Yup, they are reliable. They will plead forgiveness.
TP: Isn’t that religious?
JP: Yeah, but it’s only temporary.
TP: But what if it happens again?
JP: I just told you . . .
TP: I know—Hillary. Then I have to ask, what else could go wrong?
JP: Hmmmm. Hillary might faint in the middle of an answer.
TP: Maybe CNN or Google can edit his answers.
JP: Of course, they’ll edit his answers O-U-T.
TP: We need something to stimulate her during her help sessions.
JP: True. How about some Vodka.
TP: Good answer.
JP: Anything else?
TP: Isn’t Joe looking for a black woman for Vice President?
JP: Yeah, probably need that more than ever now.
TP: Well, yes. I was at the drug store last week and I’m worried.
JP: Yeah, so?
TP: I saw Hillary at the counter with a bottle. At the time, I didn’t think about it, but now . . . .
JP: Okay, Spill it. What was she buying?
TP: Tanning lotion.